Beware of Acquaintances Asking For Big Favors

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Beware of people you don't know too well and aren't close to asking you for favors. I was recently shocked when someone I considered a mere acquaintance asked to move into my place when I was away for some time. Our relationship was innocent enough. We had exchanged emails and hung out occassionally in the past, so I didn't think anything of it when I casually mentioned that I was doing some work in another state. I didn't know all this casual acquaintance was hearing was "home available." Considering that she's a married mother of two kids with a huge house, I would never have thought she would think like that. So she responded saying that since I wasn't at home could she use my place? because she and her husband needed extra space to cope with having a place to live and housing her husband's business. I responded to her that my place is not available and she should rethink her situation and use her spacious house especially her basement to do what she needed to do to house her husband's business.

I was baffled that this lady who is a very active member of her church and has so many wealthy "friends" living in mansions and belongs to quite a few cliques had to ask me, an outsider for such serious help. As I was pondering this, I called my close friend and shared the situation with her. She wasted no time in telling me that she also recently had the same encounter where a popular woman who she barely knew and apparently "has so many friends" asked for a loan. She said she was floored that this woman who she hardly knew would not ask all her "friends" and people in her cliques for a loan and ask her of all people.

We discussed that it must be that these women don't want the people who are close to them to know the reality of their situation, so they don't ask for favors from those who are close to them so they don't spread the news about their situation to others and embarrass them, so they target "outsiders," like my friend and I. Another thing is that they may think an outsider is easier to take advantage of with no consequences rather than trying to take advantage of an insider who would broadcast their actions to others in their clique.

As I thought about it I recalled that this happened to my mom many years ago.  My mom who is a very conservative introvert and doesn't ask anyone for anything was taught a very good lesson. When she was in her 40's, a high school "friend" named Funke resurfaced from her past. I believe they met at a party and got reacquainted. This Funke wasn't a model person when they were in school but my mom thought she would have outgrown waywardness. Anyway, within a couple of months, she appeared hat in hand with a great sob story asking my mom for a loan. My mom not knowing any better and ignoring her father's mantra of "Only loan money you can give away," gave it to her.

Soon after that she disappeared and my mom couldn't reach her. My mom was baffled by it, but she let it go as she was unsure of what had happened to the woman. After a couple of years my mom got to hear through someone else they had both gone to high school who was my mother's school daughter  that at an event they both attended she was bragging about how she swindled my mom and that my mom is wealthy, so it's money she can spare and that what can my mom do to her if she doesn't repay it? That was all my mom need to hear and she was about to get a taste of my mom's quiet mom's wrath. Since she was avoiding my mom, my conservative mom went out of character and began making calls to some of the woman's husband's friends who are also my dad's friends who put her in touch with the woman's husband. My mom explained the situation to the woman's husband who was very apologetic and stated that he had no idea of what his wife had done and he would resolve the problem.

This was very embarrassing to the woman and her husband who didn't know his wife had borrowed money and it was even more embarrassing to the husband because his wife's actions speaks to the fact that he can't adequately provide for his wife and family and his friends got to know about it while my mom was trying to contact her through him, which reflected negatively on him. To say he was upset was an understatement. Anyway, the bottom line is that she didn't know my easy going, kind and conservative mother would be able to do something like that.

One day not long after my mom spoke to her husband, she appeared with the money in hand apologizing to my mom and saying that her husband had said that if she wants to remain married to him she must repay my mother the loan so he can save face in front of his friends. My mother collected her money and that was it, but the moral of the story is that this woman targeted my mom because she wasn't in her social circle and she thought she could change a loan into a gift without any consequence. But apparently, she had thought wrong.

So when you are approached by someone you aren't close to about something similar, be wise to their game of targeting you because you are an outsider. I shared this story because someone can learn from it and as I always say, a word is enough for the wise...So be wise and don't let people take advantage of you.